“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind” ― Caroline Myss
The morning after the New York seminar with Master John Douglas I awoke in a sweat. My nightshirt sticking to my skin, I peeled out of my bedsheets to rehydrate. I sat on the toilet, remembering what Master John Douglas said before our group meditation:
"We are going to blow you out. This will be a detox to your system and within in a few days or a few weeks, you will go through a transformation. Be ready to recognize it."
As I drank my second glass of water, I scratched my arm and noticed gunk under my fingernails and the streak of clear skin my nail left behind. My sweat was green. Wow…
Over the course of the day, I felt my body oozing toxins from every pore. My organs felt like they were turning inside out.
I thought about all of the MS medications I’d taken over the years, as well as the weekend drinking and pot smoking that had to go somewhere. I’m pretty sure I could feel my liver and kidneys churning. I knew detoxing was a good thing but boy, it sure didn’t feel good going through it. By mid-afternoon, I sent a desperate email to John’s group seeking intervention and took a salt bath, then a sleeping pill before finally returning to bed. No one said I had to be awake for this.
The next day, I received word that it would take another ½ day to detox my system, but “not to worry,” it would soon be over. When I woke up on day 3, I felt remarkably different. I felt clearer than I had in ages. When I got into the shower, I realized my mind was silent. I was experiencing “flow” for the first time in my life. I did very little talking that morning and enjoyed this newfound mind-silence.
While driving to an appointment, my mind went into a deeper trance. I knew that this was the transformation John Douglas had alluded to.
As I arrived at my destination, a voice clearly spoke to me: If you practice self-compassion, everything else will come.
I didn’t question this voice at all. I recognized it immediately as my dharma. I had spent so much time trying to heal, to solve, to remedy, to treat. I accepted this voice as Spirit, handing me on a silver platter the wisdom I’d been seeking for so long. And it made complete sense. I need to put myself first. Accept myself and treat myself well and everything else will naturally fall into place. My life and everything in it became incredibly clear and calm. I had a new lens.
I now see my life in terms of before and after this "awakening" -- a moment that has proved to be foundational. I’m no longer the person I was before the awakening. And I instinctively know that while some things will still be challenging for me, I will never be the same again.