This meditation is directly connected to a Shamanic Journey I wrote about here.
Winslow drops me off to see JC at a home on Buck Mountain on Orcas. It was a home that Mike and I considered purchasing but it was too large with too much maintenance. Being so far from town scared me. It had a wooden wrap-around porch with an amazing view of the islands. I think Jesus likes meeting here because the view offers a great vantage point with ready teachable moments.
I’m not comfortable on my meditation mat today, fidgeting often and I’m having difficulty gathering my thoughts. I’m definitely out of sorts and Jesus is staring at me from a chair next to the railing with a view towards Canada. Winslow dropped me off and I didn’t move.
JC: How do you feel?
JC (still staring): Well, of course. You had an abortion yesterday.
I now notice EAGLE, standing firm, at the end of the bannister. EAGLE is a newer totem that Spirit gave to me. His name is Pride. Pride hawks out, “You are STRONG!”
I’m in observation mode, not really processing well. Jesus runs through the scenarios of what I could have done with the pregnancy.
JC: “You could have carried Shaun to term and given him up for adoption.”
Sally: “I wouldn’t have handled that well.”
JC (nodding in agreement): “You did the right thing, Sally. You did the compassionate thing.”
Sally: “I checked in with lower body, womb and Eunice [my unified body]. They are all recovering. Bebe [my throat and neck] strongly said, ‘We’re OK.’
JC (calmly averting): “Would you like to meet Shaun?”
With that remark, I am immediately drawn out of my daze and into current reality. As I reply Yes! Shaun is already walking around from the left side of the porch, a full-grown man. Looking a lot like Bill, but with lighter hair, like mine.
Tears come to my eyes and a mix of joy, guilt and wonder overcomes me. Again I apologize.
Shaun: “It’s OK. I forgive you. I’m living.”
I am confused and begin to ask questions when he says that he can’t talk about it. I ask Sally16 if she wants to meet Shaun. She appears, more bewildered than I am, a bit hesitant to approach Shaun.
Shaun (to Sally16): “I forgive you.”
Shaun reaches out to tenderly hold her hands. I wrap my left arm around her. I am so grateful for this moment!
Eventually, Shaun walks back where he had come from. I tell BODY I will check-in at mealtimes and I tell Sally16 I will do the same with her. The chime rings the end of the meditation and I am pulled back to meditation mat, with tears on my face and a smile in my heart.
What I learned:
Trauma is held in and can be revisited through our bodies.
Trauma can be healed through honoring and feeling our bodies.
No matter what approach we take, the act of revisiting alone allows the healing to begin.
What traumatic events of your life are you afraid to revisit?
How/where is your body carrying this trauma?
Are you ready to have a conversation with your body and begin to feel and heal?